The journey into motherhood

This it all started with a kiss.
Just kidding, we all know how babies are made.

It actually all started 2 years ago when my husband and I had "the chat" about being ready to go off contraception and see what happens. Much to our surprise, we were pregnant 2 months later! I was 9 weeks pregnant when we found out that the baby's heart had stopped beating and I miscarried naturally 1 week later. Then 4 months after that we were pregnant again. My pregnancy was quite easy up till 30 weeks, when I started feeling pretty uncomfortable and "over it". At 33 weeks pregnant I was admitted to hospital with preeclampsia and Eli was delivered via emergency c-section the following day. He spent 41 days in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) and came home a few days before his expected due date. He is now 8 months old and is a healthy, friendly, busy boy and an absolute joy to us!
Those are just the highlights for now, I will share my stories in detail soon enough.

So what has it been like becoming a mother?
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I've seen the phrase "I've never been this happy and tired in my entire life" used to describe parenthood and I think it's a very accurate description.
It has been the biggest mental challenge of my life, putting my selfishness aside to serve my family. There are days when I think "what have I gotten myself into", but then this little person looks at me and smiles, and it all becomes worth it again. The best things in life take hard work and sacrifice. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth fighting for. Everything I have been through up to this point, has made me realize that I can handle more than I think and that challenges are there to build character, if you allow it.

I'd love to share some thoughts with you if you're thinking of becoming pregnant or you're about to venture in the crazy world called parenthood.

1. It's never anything like the fantasy. I used to fantasize about being pregnant, giving birth, being a mother but literally nothing has gone according to plan for us. Try not to have major expectations because life is messy and well, sometimes just plain sucks. BUT, if you can embrace the hardship you could come out the other having learnt some valuable stuff!
2. No one can claim perfection here. No one in this world can claim to be the perfect parent, as much as they might want to. I always used to look at these so-called perfect moms who seem to have everything together and wished I were more like them. Turns out, they are just "winging it" too. You have been chosen you to be this child's mother, so you are the perfect person to raise your baby. Trust your instincts. Billions of people have had kids and survived to tell the tale, so just do what you think it best.
3. You still have a choice. Justin and I really don't always get this right, but we decided that we wouldn't decide beforehand what we can and cannot do because of the baby. We would do our best to do life with Eli and if it really wasn't working, we'd humbly accept our new life. Well, every baby is different, but we've been able to go to restaurants at night, go out to friends, had noisy people in our house at night and we've even gone to a rooftop student party with a baby in tow. I do believe you can choose how much parenthood restricts you. However, my next point:
4. It is going to be different. Some things will change and your life will have to be different. (#adultingisrealhard) You can fight it, be miserable and feel sorry for yourself, or you can embrace the change and the maturity it will grow in you. Our modern western world tells us that life is meant to make us happy, but this is impossible and makes you feel like something is wrong with your life. Happiness is a product of a mature response and acceptance of the reality of life.
5. Guard your heart and mind. Just have a look at Pinterest and you will see why this is necessary. Article 1: "Why co-sleeping is the best thing for your baby". Article 2: "Co-sleeping is the worst thing you can do for your baby". Which one is it? You could find dozens of examples of completely contradictory information available to us. I am the biggest culprit when it comes to googling EVERYTHING, but it often leaves me feeling even more confused than when I started. Being informed is good, but take everything with a pinch of salt and choose the advice you take wisely. Somehow our generation survived being raised before the existence of Google.
6. Lastly, be real and open. My biggest frustration is sometimes that everyone seems to go through the same struggles, especially when it comes to marriage and parenthood, but no one seems to want to talk openly about it. What if we could empower each other by sharing our stories? Maybe if we spoke more openly, we could get through the challenges of marriage and parenthood in one piece?

Well, I will make it my mission then to be as honest as possible.

Charlene x