So two weeks ago, Eli decided that he no longer enjoys purees and eating from a spoon (I just made him 30+ gourmet freezer meals), and would prefer to feed himself. Fun! (Note the sarcasm)
This milestone has caught me by surprise and I've found myself having to rethink his meals all over again! 
Two lovely mommy friends, suggested I try making fritters, as they're easy for baby to eat, and you can put almost anything in a fritter, using ingredients in your fridge. This is true and I'd love to share some recipes with you. 

First, let me explain: A fritter is a pancake/crumpet/flapjack (whatever you'd like to call it), that has flour (or some type of starch) and egg (to bind the ingredients). Some fritters also have baking powder (as a raising agent), milk (or substitute) and then any ingredient to flavour. You can add spices, herbs and pretty much anything you like to make them tastier. Fry in a pan with some coconut oil (or olive oil) and voila! 
​
You can also easily freeze a few them in seperate freezer bags and take out as you need. So when are you planning your fritter making day? Here are 2 recipes and then a few more ideas:

250ml flour
5ml baking powder
125 ml cup milk 
1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
150g cooked and drained spinach
Herbs and spices - I used a pinch of salt and some dried parsley

Milk all ingredients and fry in well greased pan with some coconut oil. These were SUPER yum and I ate a few myself!
(Feel free to add more milk or flour if batter is too stiff/runny.)

2 ripe bananas (I freeze ripe bananas and then squeeze out the banana once defrosted)
1/4 cup blueberries ( I cut mine in half)
60-125ml ground oats flour (or normal flour if you prefer)
Cinnamon (to taste)
2,5ml baking powder

Milk all ingredients and fry in well greased pan with some coconut oil. 
(Feel free to add more milk or flour if batter is too stiff/runny.)

The intense smell of disinfectant, the uncomfortable chairs, the sound of an alarm going off because a baby just stopped breathing for a second and the overwhelming silence paired with the sound of the daily routines of busy nurses. Over our 41 day stay, I got to know the NICU of Netcare Femina Hospital VERY well. 

I have very deep and tender memories of our stay in the NICU. Almost like Stockholm Syndrome - I didn't want to be there, but being there made grew in me a deep respect for nurses (they work VERY hard), it made me appreciate the fragility of life and it made me part of a special group of mommies who know what it is like to leave their babies with complete strangers, but know the tenacity of a little person that learns things faster than they're meant to. It is still not easy to think back over this time, but my hope is that my story would encourage others and give them strength to get through. 

(Just a bit of context: Eli was born via emergency c-section at 33 weeks due to preeclampsia. I was not prepared at all, and he was born within 16 hours after finding out I had this condition. I know there are MANY people who have experienced much more traumatic circumstances in the NICU, but  hopefully this could still be encouraging and relevant for you.)

So if you are in the NICU right now, here are some helpful tips to surviving your stay in the NICU:

• Rewrite your story. We have this picture of how we will give birth, share these precious family moments and get to breastfeed immediately. We place the greatest value on these moments of bonding. I had to accept that this was no longer MY STORY, and that my story was unique and I would grow character in different ways through the experience. I also realized although I felt out of control, I did have control over my attitude, and I could still be intentional in spending time with Eli once he was home. 
• (Try to) look on the bright side. ​​One of the (very few) advantages of having your baby in the NICU is that you have time to recover without the pressure of learning to breastfeed, getting up to change nappies etc. I also had time to get the house ready, make freezer meals and by the time Eli came home, I was (kind of) prepared. 
• Set yourself realistic expectations. I made the mistake of doing a lot of research on how long a 33-weeker would normally stay in the hospital, and it gave me hope that maybe Eli would be home quick. This only left me feeling constantly disappointed. The most helpful advice I read was that you should be patient with your baby - the reality is they are still supposed to be baking in your tummy till 40 weeks, so anything they can do before then, is just a bonus. Be patient, as hard as it is, and try to be grateful for the small victories. 
• Don't compare your baby to the other babies. Every child is different and develop at different paces -  you will this realize more and more, every day that you're a mom. Celebrate YOUR child and every little milestone they reach. You were gifted with a unique individual - celebrate that!
• Don't feel pressure to be there 24/7. ​I chatted to a few moms who felt bad they weren't there the whole day long. I physically couldn't be at the hospital for longer than 5-6 hours before feeling exhausted, sore (from uncomfortable seats) and desperately wanting to be resting at home. Don't put pressure on yourself. The reality is, there is little you can do for your baby at the moment (unless you're breastfeeding) and your baby is in very good and loving hands. Take the time to rest, because once you have to start breastfeeding they will want you there all day, and once baby is home, rest will be a distant memory!
• Don't be afraid to ask and stand up for what you want. It took 10 days before I did skin-to-skin kangaroo care, and when I finally asked, the nurse was surprised that I hadn't done it yet. I was not impressed, but learnt that I should speak up and ask questions. It is your child after all. Be confident and ask questions. 
•  Ask what you can do to help. I was surprised to hear that many moms in the NICU don't want to do much for their babies, and many nurses actually had to ASK the mom to Kangaroo Care. (It is VERY beneficial for a baby's development and there are great results showing these babies recovering faster - Google it!) Also, ask if you can help with certain routines like changing the nappy, cleaning eyes etc. Unless your baby is really fragile, the nurses will welcome your request as help.  The nurses may do some things without you, try not to take it personally. They have a busy schedule and many babies to take care of simultaneously. 
• Welcome any help you can get. If people want to bring you food, clean your house, give you a lift, come visit - just say YES! Don't try to be a hero, there is no prize for handling difficult times the best - what you're going through SUCKS and you need all the help you can get. See it as an opportunity for the other person to grow :) 
• Find other ways to fight for your baby. This was quite a tough one for me as I didn't feel like Eli's Mama for a long time. I felt so helpless and was only allowed to start breastfeeding him at 5 weeks. I started to realize that there were a few things I could start to do for him. For example, praying for him! I had a little book called The Power of the Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian and I would sit and pray over Eli. I also took the time to hand stitch a mobile for above his cot, and make other for his room. It made me feel like I was doing something for him.
  
• Deal with the trauma. Without being too melodramatic, going through a NICU experience is very traumatic, and can take a long time to deal with. Talk through it, even if you need to see a professional. These emotions don't just disappear if you don't deal with them. Find someone you trust on whom you can offload your fears, anger, disappoint and sadness. Again, don't be a hero. What you have gone through/are going through is not easy and highly draining. 

​One of the hardest parts of being NICU parents, is how isolated you feel. People don't understand, and couldn't possibly, but here are some tips & insights if you ever have some friends or family going through this: 

• Offer to help. Unfortunately there isn't much you can say, but there is a lot you can do. I was blessed with amazing friends who brought us about 3 weeks worth of meals. Offer to clean their house, drive them to the hospital (c-section), babysit the other kids (if there are) etc. Once again, don't ask "let me know if there is something I can do." People rarely take you up on that. Rather SAY, "I'd love to come clean your house, what day can I come?" It takes the ball out of their court. 
• Stop asking, "so when is he/she going home?" I HATED it when people asked me this, because it was my million dollar question. All I could think of was when Eli would be coming home, and being asked that just frustrated me more. Rather ask how it's going today. 
• Celebrate with us! ​Eli was born 2 days before our baby shower, and one of the most disappointing things to come to terms with, was that nothing went as planned and it didn't feel like we had the opportunity to celebrate his life. Make a big deal of the fact that baby was born, visit them in hospital, send a gift, flowers. Whatever it takes to make them feel excited about becoming parents. 
• Don't forget. Gosh, people would ask, "oh, is he STILL in hospital?" YES!! For the last flipping 5 weeks! People tend to be there for you in the first week, and then life goes on, while your life are completely upside down. Don't feel bad to contact them a lot. They may not respond immediately, but let them know you care and you haven't forgotten that they're going through a hard time. Go have a coffee with them in hospital! 
• Be tactful and cautious when baby comes home. I was very excited for people to meet Eli when he came out, but I was also so desperate for alone time and to settle in at home as a family. Premature babies also normally have more sensitive immune systems, and need to be protected from germs for a while after coming home. PLEASE DON'T visit if you're sick. DON'T take your snotty kids to visit. DON'T feel bad if you are asked to disinfect your hands. Better yet, disinfect without being asked. ​

Hopefully you will never need to use the information in this article, but obviously this is quite a common occurrence and it's something that needs to be spoken of more. 
Please feel free to comment with any questions or maybe if you just want to share you story! 

Charlene x

I thought I was as prepared as I could be. I had researched natural birth and c-sections extensively so that I would know what to expect, and not be caught by surprise. 
That actually makes me chuckle as I write that, because Eli's birth could not have been MORE of a surprise. I never even considered the possibility of having a premature baby.
(Side note: Life rarely goes according to plan, so do prepare, but also relax and take it as it comes - motherhood is teaching me this the hard way!)

I was 33 weeks pregnant, and on our "Baby-moon" when I woke up one night with intense pain in my back and chest, that literally took my breath away. I wrote it off to the fact that pregnancy is really tough on your body and Eli must have just moved up into my ribs. I spent the next few days taking painkillers every 4 hours (lame painkillers that only took the edge off - the joys of pregnancy), knowing that I would go see my gynae for my 33 week check-up in a few days anyway. 

After a crazy day at work (sending a picture of my "kankles" to my family) and rushing to be at my appointment on time, I finally got to the hospital. I was feeling pretty sick, swollen and exhausted. 
It was a routine check-up with a urine test, blood pressure test and ultrasound.
I even discussed my birth-plan with my gynae, desperately wanting natural birth. 
Our gyane didn't mention my blood pressure being high, but left the room to go get my urine test results. She came back saying that the protein levels in my urine are very high, measured my blood pressure again, it had gone up to 170/120, and proceeded to tell me that she suspects I have preeclampsia and that she is admitting me straight away. My weight gain had also been abnormal and the symptoms I had a few days prior all pointed to this condition. She also mentioned that the only cure for this condition is delivering the baby, and this will probably take place in the next couple of weeks. No bags packed, no baby room, still supposed to work for another month - ​it felt completely surreal and I had absolutely no idea how my life was about to change. 

Follow the link below to see what the symptoms of preeclampsia are. (I had no idea I had preeclampsia and I'm grateful I got to the doctor in time. It can be fatal for mom and baby as it happens suddenly and isn't always so obvious) 
https://www.preeclampsia.org/health-information/sign-symptoms​ 

I was admitted straight away for observation through the night, so they could try get my blood pressure under control. I was completely overwhelmed - never having been hospitalized and getting a catheter and drip within an hour. By early hours of the morning, the midwife attending to me told me to prepare myself for Eli to be born today. It was a very emotional night - feeling sick, scared, unprepared, alone and grieving the loss of what I had hoped would be my birth story. 

By 06:00 am, when the gynae came to check up on me, I was vomiting into a bed pan (classy, right? - exactly how beautiful I imagined childbirth would be) and feeling at my worst. She made the call to schedule a c-section for later that morning. It was a crazy whirlwind of filling out forms, getting a crash-course on what was about to happen, and what would happen once Eli is born. I should prepare myself for Eli being in hospital for as long as he still should have been in my tummy (7 weeks). It was a logical fact, but devastating as my dream of taking my baby home with me was no longer possible. 

​After a very quick surgery, Eli was born and hearing him cry was the most beautiful sound in the world! The moment they took him out, I felt immediate relief from the symptoms. I was able to take a quick photo with Eli and give him a kiss on the head. He was wrapped up, put in an incubator and taken up to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). 

Eli James Saker was born Thursday, 4 May 2017 at 11:15am at 33 weeks, weighing 1,8kg. 
I was taken to the high care unit for the night to recover and because my blood pressure was still very high. (High care was AMAZING - best sleep I had in months!) Till the next morning, when they took me off the drip and the pain start to set in. It was horrible and I balled my eyes out. Eventually, after a unsuccessful trip to the bathroom and nearly fainting,  I was able to get out of bed and was moved to a general ward. That afternoon, more than 24 hours after Eli was born, I finally was able to go see my baby. 

It was the craziest day for my husband too. He was torn between checking on me, and checking on Eli. (I wanted him to stay with Eli) He had to fill out all the paperwork, get together all the things on list that I was supposed to have in my hospital bag (which wasn't packed yet - because who has their baby at 33 weeks right?) and get a ton of things for Eli that was needed by the NICU. He even drove into a tree or something that day. (It's just as hard on a new dad who is in complete shock!)

LIFE HACK: I had a file with me where I kept every single important document, ID's, certificate, documents to register baby once born etc. I was able to give this file to my husband and he could complete all the admin with ease and not have to scramble for the right documents. 

He was the smallest baby I had ever seen and I was even too afraid to touch him. He had so many wires attached to him and we were told how delicate these wires are and if pulled out, it can be very dangerous for him. I was able to pick him up and hold him for 5 minutes while they changed the sheets in his crib. He was doing well - breathing mostly on his own, mild jaundice and drinking a tiny amount of my expressed breastmilk. 

I had to express milk every 3 hours in hospital. It was excruciating even just sitting up in bed, but having to get up, express milk, label it, take it to the fridge down the passage, sterilize the breast pump and repeat was honestly one of the hardest mental battles of my life. It was really good for me to see that I was stronger than I thought. These experiences build endurance, resilience, character and strength. I want Eli to know that he was worth fighting for and worth putting myself second for. 

I was discharged on the Sunday afternoon and leaving the hospital without my boy was so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I was relieved to be going home though. The hospital was very far from home, and so the next few weeks would prove to be unbelievably trying as we had to travel to the hospital everyday. 

I don't want to bore all of you with the details, but the summary of our time in the NICU is that it took 41 days before Eli was sent home. The biggest delay was that he battled to keep in large amounts of milk, and every time they increased his feed too quickly, he would spit up and they would have to slow it down or start again. He also got an infection when he was 1 week old and they had to stop feeds altogether and put him on antibiotics. It took over a week before I was allowed to hold him and do Kangaroo Care (skin-to-skin cuddling). That was an amazing moment!
Having Eli in the NICU was the most frustrating and emotionally exhausting process I have ever been through. The nurses and our paeditrician made a point of remaining neutral and not giving you any idea of a timeline. Which is understandable because one day I would arrive and he had a great night, and the next day not so great. It often felt like we were never going to be able to leave. 
​
When Eli was 5 weeks old, I was allowed to breastfeed him for the first time. He latched immediately, drank 3x what he was meant to and it was one of the most magical moments of my life that I will always treasure deeply. For the first time since he was born, I felt like a mother. 
As a result of the breastfeeding going so well, I was allowed to breastfeed more often, and it took 5 days for them to send him home with us. It happened fast and it was very exciting!
Having Eli home was scary (I couldn't believe they trusted me take take this baby home - I mean, I don't know what I'm doing?) but it was also so wonderful feeling like a real family. One day I will share more about the practicalities of having a preemie at home and what those first few months were like. (Spoiler alert: It was VERY challenging!)

Today, Eli is 9.5 months, full of energy and the happiest baby I know. He has caught up all his milestones and amazes me every day. See gallery at the bottom!

​​I know there are many families who have much worse birth stories and who endured much longer stays in the NICU, but having a premature baby and staying in the NICU is HARD no matter how long you are there. It is hard because it feels unnatural. It is hard because no one who is there wanted to be there. It is hard because you feel alone, and like no one really understands what you're going through. It is hard because your dream of becoming a mother was completely different in reality. It is hard for so many more reasons. 
BUT, it is wonderful because you meet amazing people who inspire you with their strength. It is special because you see this tiny person do things they're not supposed to do yet. It is empowering because you surprise yourself with strength you didn't know you have. It is humbling, because you realize the quality of people you have in your life, who care about you more than you ever imagined. 
It is an experience that has made me appreciate being Eli's mom and made me celebrate every little milestone like he has just invented something for the very first time. I do not take Eli's health for granted and I try to be grateful, because it really could be worse. There is so much to be grateful for. 

If you are going through this journey at the moment or you're still processing the aftermath of the NICU, feel free to comment or send me a mail. I'd love to encourage you and listen to what you're going through. 
My next post will be filled with helpful tips for surviving the NICU, a premature baby and being there for others while their baby is in the NICU. 

x
Here some of my favourite photos from the last 9 months:

Parenting and actually, life in general, is something NO ONE can claim they are perfect at or have figured out how to do perfectly. Obviously there are better, wiser ways to do things, but at the end of the day, the way we do things remains subjective and there are truly a million different ways to do it. 
The sad thing is, we still hold onto our pride thinking our way is best and that everyone else is wrong. 

Becoming a mother is really a journey of accepting imperfection, celebrating small victories, learning to be less critical (of myself and others) and just enjoying the moments. It's so easy to get caught up with doing the right thing, that you miss what's right in front of you: a little person whose only desire is to be loved, accepted and fed (obviously). 
I've wasted too much time worrying that I'm feeding him too much, feeding him too little,                              not teaching him to sleep better, not stimulating him enough etc. And then off I go, on a Pinterest binge to read as many articles as possible on the topic, in the hope of finding the perfect answer to my question. I log off feeling more confused and guilty than ever, and pretty much back where I started. When will the madness stop??

So here is my mission this year, and I hope you would join me:
(I say "let's" because I need to remind myself of this daily.)

• Let's celebrate imperfection: Let's celebrate our differences and learn from each other. 
• Let's recognize that there is no perfect way to raise a child and stop it with the mom guilt. 
• Let's remember that our children do not compare the way we do it to other moms and just want to be loved, accepted and made to feel important. 
• Let's enjoy and appreciate the moments. The moments that really matter. The little connections, the  "I love you mom's", the cuddles (voluntary or involuntary), the laughs and the special family moments that no one else would understand and would get no likes on Instagram. 
• Let's stop the judgment and encourage each other through the tough parts of parenthood. We are all winging it and need to be told that it's going to be ok. 
• Let's follow our instincts. As a mom, you have a natural love, patience and instinct to take care of your child. Even if you don't always feel it, it's there. Tap into your creativity. Drown out all the unhelpful advice and opinions that don't build you up and put more wind in your sails.

​Kids have survived a million different parenting strategies.
Through my time as an au-pair and working at a preschool I realized that children only want to feel heard, want to have quality-time (not just be around each other - actually DO something together) and they want to know they are secure. 
It's actually not that complicated. You love your child, so that's enough. 

Have a wonderful week - enjoy your children. Enjoy the privilege of being a mom. Remember the days when you couldn't wait to have babies and be grateful that your dream came true.
Be kind to yourself. You are doing a great job!